Tuesday, November 29, 2005
So, I decided not to get married. You see, I was talking to the parking guy about my coworker getting married and he told me "Don't you ever get married sweetie. You're too beautiful to get married." At first, I just thought he was creepy and crazy, but the more I think about it, the more I think it is true. I am just too beautiful to ever get married. I need to share the greatness that is me with as many guys as possible before I get wrinkly and ugly. So I am currently accepting applications. And don't forget to include length and girth measurements.
2 comments
2 comments
2 Comments:
Length: 7"
Girth: 4.5"
Diameter (center): 1.8"
Total surface area: 31.92", including 5" of scar tissue
Greatest East-West distance: 2.1" (facing due North)
Greatest North-South distance: 7" (facing due North)
Mean elevation: 5.7" above sack level
By 
Paul Elledge, at
7:10 AM
Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you were right the first time -- creepy and crazy. What's "too beautiful to get married" mean anyway? You know what happens when you spread it around? You wear it out. Or maybe that's peanut butter. No, definitely beauty.
By Gabe Sealey-Morris, at
3:33 PM
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